Taking a "Time Out"

My oldest son, Nathan, who is 5 years-old, is definitely what  you'd call a "high-energy" kid.  If you could harness the energy that kid uses in a day, you could power Manhattan!  I was very sorry when he stopped taking regular naps when he was about 4 years-old.  We tried the forced nap time thing, but honestly, it usually took more of my energy and effort to fight and cajole him into being quiet for 30 minutes than it did just to let him be.  At almost 5-and-a-half, we really don't even consider naps any more.  Even after playing hard at the park all morning, he will seldom be asleep when we get home (though sometimes).  Although he really is a great and well-behaved child with a generally sweet and cooperative demeanor, he does sometime get too wild or have a bad attitude (sarcastic gasp!).  I suppose it is partly related to all the energy he has, partly genetic, and partly learned from the way he sees his parents (well, mostly his father) react, but I think it's mostly that he's 5.  Like most 5 year-olds, he likes to get his way, and he is learning what his place is in his world, and where the (ever-moving) boundaries are now.  At 5, and with a baby brother and young dog, I give him more responsibility and trust than I did even 6 months ago.  Usually, my trust is well-placed, but he is only 5, after all.  Sometimes he makes mistakes, and sometimes I have to remind myself that it is I who made the mistake of putting too much on his small shoulders.  I expect a lot of him partly because I'm trying to teach him to be responsible, and to treat him like a "big boy", and partly because he acts like a big boy enough that I sometimes forget how little he is.   And honestly, sometimes because I really need the help.  It is a learning process for him, certainly, but it is for his parents at least as much.  Our theme for this week, as we are visiting grandparents and aunts and uncles, is RESPECT.  Other than reminding him of it and talking about it, I haven't yet decided what I'll do for lessons on respect.  Hopefully I'll get to that as soon as I finish writing this blog.

Speaking of writing this blog, my original intent was to write about a great technique that I learned of during a MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting a couple of weeks ago.  The speaker was a kindergarten teacher of some experience who gave me all sorts of inspirations and ideas for teaching and playing with the boys.  One of my favorite things she showed us, though, was her "time out bottle."  I don't call it that at my house, we call it the Calming Bottle or sometimes just the Blue Bottle.  It is simply a thick plastic bottle (clear, like a water bottle) with an amount of Karo Light corn syrup and about 3 drops of blue food coloring in it.  I used about 1.5 to 2 Tbsp of syrup, and added a pinch of multicolored glitter to mine.  The idea is to sit with the bottle and turn and twist it until all of the syrup coats the bottle, and the bottle looks blue.  It is basically a mindfulness exercise that promotes calm, and helps center the person.  The amount of Karo determines how long the exercise takes, and how difficult.  For young children, you might put more syrup, and for older ones or adults, you would use less.  My parents (both therapists) thought it was a terrific idea, and I think Mom wants to make several for her clients (she is an addictions counselor).  I think it is a great tool for parents, especially those with a high-strung child.  Nathan has always responded well to imagery. When he was having regular trouble with a bad attitude a year or so ago, we would talk to him about throwing the attitude away or or otherwise trapping or detaining it.  He came up with the most creative ways of getting rid of the attitudes, including drowning them, throwing them out the window, putting bombs on them, and other very "boy" things.  I really think the creative outlet of coming up with various ways of detaining or killing an attitude helped improve his mood.   So, now that the major problem is too much energy, we talk about trapping the excess energy in the blue bottle.  It is still somewhat new in our house, but so far I think it is working as intended.  At the very least, it is a good way of timing a "time out" without telling the child that's exactly what's going on, and while giving the child some control (or sense of) over the amount of time he or she spends calming down.  Rather than the kid bouncing on the bed or sitting there thinking how much he hates being sent to his room, while his energy is only mounting, hopefully this exercise offers the opportunity to focus on accomplishing a small task to show mom that his attitude has improved or energy is trapped,  or whatever the particular issue of the moment.  If we think it is so, it will be.  It helps us turn a negative into a positive and gives the child a chance to seize control of himself and the situation, while effecting a positive change, which is exactly our ultimate goal for our children, isn't it?